Hello Again!
Let me just say that this weekend with Ryan was a well deserved rest and re coupe. Plus I surely learned a lot about how I used to work with people and I was able to see how far I have come and able to see where all I want to go next!
It is incredible to me how much trained emotional responses I have inside of me! No matter how stupid they may be! Things about my mother came up; things about making friends and being left out came up! And these are all things that were created when I was in grade school. Pretty weird how I have been holding onto yucky stuff from past for so long!
Now my first step to changing these old bad patterns is to do my choice process exercises; which I am doing in Power 90. These questions walk me back though certain pattered response questions to help me find the real ingrained thoughts that I ingrained in my head from childhood so I can change the belief that will help me change the pattern of how I relate to these issues.
I was so tired when I came home because of all the stuff that has been coming up for me to deal with emotionally that I literally slept all of Monday! Wow! Then Monday I had a emotional break down from the hurt and anger going through me! However; yesterday which was Tuesday; I worked all day and started on renewed strength right out of the gate; I worked all day LITERALLY! I went to bed so tired I could not stand anymore; but I did have a dramatic thing happen! I was given a chance to confront a ex boyfriend who has been acting very badly! I was given a chance and I took it to confront and tell him where to go while testifying my own self worth! He is now dealing with the aftermath of my self protective rage! A very good thing for me I must say in defense of myself!
I defended myself a lot when I was a child without any thought. Why is it when we are adults we feel that we are not worthy of such self defense?
So here is me defending my right to have my world be the way I choose it to be without anyone saying otherwise! I have incredible want for good things for all people around me; so why should I not defend such good things for myself and others! I completely feel that we all have gifts to be shared with ourselves and others and we have every right to succeed at those goals! So my personal challenge to myself today is to finish a couple choice processes and fulfill my daily goals I have set out for myself! My next Power 90 class is tonight and my choice is to keep making good choices and have only what I want to have included in my day and nobody Else's choices for me outdo my own choices for myself this day.
I wish for you all to find the strength inside yourselves to stick to your own personal wishes and choices for yourself and let NOBODY take your freedom away from you to choose to be yourself!
With all my Love
-Luanne
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